by Harold McMillan

You know, i can't even spell it. Me-lin-ne-um? mill-any-yum? Mi-len-ne-um?

But I think I feel it. I think I feel the pressure to feel it, think about it, do something about it. And it -- the pressure -- is working.

For weeks now I've been thinking about this last little column of the Me-lin-ne-um. To tell the truth, I've been waiting for, like some message from the gods, a sign from above to give me some meaning to all of the hoopla about the changing of the calendar. Not that I don't already have some feelings about the end of this era. I do. The thing that has been most challenging to me is the sorting out of my personal demons here. Regardless of my private Idaho, there is significance to this New Year. Historically, socially, technologically. There are things, events, persons/peoples, ideas that are noteworthy that will forever more be tied to this period of history.

My deal is that I wanted to come up with my list. Just like so many other folks, I thought I would have this list that would emerge and present itself to me. My personal list of Mill-any-yull significance. Now, right here and now as I write this last "Up All Night" of the '90s, my list expands and shrinks,is entirely too personal, is moronically too general, is lame, is so close to my heart it brings tears, is so pedestrian it shows my dilettance.

For me the coming New Year, and passing of this one, is extremely heavy and sublime. Or, it's just another day/time in a confusing personal and public world that could pass without particular notice. This is my big story of the new Mi-len-ne-um. I am confused about the big picture. I am too so very wrapped up in my own little microcosm of personal challenges that I only perceive what is but a few inches from my graying dreadlocks, hard head, mushy brain. And this all seems to be happening at one and the same time. I still come up with more questions than answers. I have not stopped thinking and feeling and asking and searching. I have, however, lost some of my faith that it all will be made clear to me in due time. Due time just doesn't seem like something I'm gonna come upon before I get to 1500 words and the filling of this space. I do have some observations, though, to pass along. I actually do have some thoughts I want to put down. The question is what of that is the stuff of this column and what is best left to my journal.

In the interest of "keepin' it real," this past year, this past three years, this decade has been all about some serious shit for me, for Austin, the arts in this market, for most of you who are reading this right now. What can I say that is illuminating, other than my own personal story? Even if I blindly think it's more, whatever I have to say is really about me and my cloudy view of life here in the Silicon Hills of Central Texas. Deep inside I know that. My search though, is for signs of recognition from the outside world. Am I totally alone with some of this, or is this the same kind of stuff that has crossed your mind, too? Different, but the same in some way?

Ok. I admit it. I am a bit nervous about the passing of the '90s. It's not that I am particularly worried about Y2K computer glitches. We are a Mac shop, totally. I figure that most of the essential services that run by computer will be ok, if not without little snafus at least without major chaos. And if major chaos does happen for a while, maybe it will be instructive for the long haul. So, about that I ain't particularly worried. I am more concerned about things right here in Austin on the small scale. Being the self centered sort that I am, that concern has a lot to do with my situation here. Some of it is generalize-able to some extent, but I gotta accept the fact that I do see the world through my own gray tinted shades.

I've recently read through a lot of my old columns. There are several threads there that stand out, that kinda stick out actually. Not really to my surprise, I see clearly that I have been fretting about the new Austin for some time now. We've been publishing ADA for five years. I've been kicking and scratching my way through the latter half of this decade. I've had this schizoid internal dialogue going bemoaning the death of the old Austin, and at the same time telling folks it's time we old heads get over it, get with it and embrace the New Austin. It ain't your same old college town anymore. Yes, Maria, there is a SantaDellClaus.

My columns that urge (me and) my colleagues in the "non-European classical" arts to try to learn from the major arts organizations and welcome this new high tech wealth to our market are numerous. I re-read my own words telling folks how all of these new Austinites with new money will be the saving grace that will turn around the status quo we've come to accept and dread. At times I even sound like some kind of cheerleader for the new Austin, the new smart growth, the new downtown. In my fantasy world the techies with the big bucks were gonna come in here and re-define what it means to be wealthy in Austin: Austin hip, Austin cool, young, sophisticated and urbane here in River City. And as I try to remember how I actually felt when I was writing that stuff, I realize that I convinced myself. I didn't convince anyone else, but I did a pretty good number on myself. After all, the new money in Austin (always thinking that some of it is potentially art and culture money) is in the pockets of folks even younger than I am. Surely they would not simply follow the same old Austin patterns of arts patronage. They were going to reinvent it.

Well, my informal survey of local media headlines, and conversations with my colleagues in the non-profit arts world (the jazz presenters, for instance), illuminate much. The findings: it's the same old enchilada, but bigger. And it's all on the same old plate.

I don't want to get too personal here, so I'll just make up a hypothetical situation to illustrate the sentiment out there in some circles. Let's say that a donor chose to pump $50 million into the local arts scene. That's a significant amount, by any measure. And, compared to real life, in this hypothetical situation it's even a small amount. But let's just imagine that one (group) donor chose to spread around that much money in the Austin arts community. Truly a wonderful thing for the local scene, all around.

Let's say that the vast majority of that money went to four or five big arts groups, maybe all of them were mainstream/European classical groups. That would still be very cool.

Now, just imagine if just 10% of that $50 million were ear marked for a lot of non-classical arts groups. Would that be cool? Wouldn't that make some kind of huge impact on the local scene (even if it were split between 20 worthy groups)? But that ain't happening.

Maybe 5% then? No, that ain't happening either.

Ok. Wouldn't just 01% of $50 million go along way? Yeah, it would. But this is all hypothetical. It ain't real. It ain't happening.

Back to why I am a bit nervous about the new Austin in the new mell-any-yum. Well, I happen to be one of those folks who chose to work in the non-profit arts in Austin, been doing it for 15 years or more by now. I've come to realize that it's hard for me to hang in there. I ain't as young, wild-eyed and childless as I used to be. Prospects for the future are pretty scary for some of us. Don't go getting soft for me and my situation. On my own I've made some life/style changes that have changed my outlook and needs, with a few tears, but my eyes are wide open. We should do a lot better with what we have. And you can quote me on that.

Look past me, look past DiverseArts, look past Austin Downtown Arts. If you check out the City of Austin's Cultural Contracts funding system, look at the Texas Commission on the Arts funding of Austin-based artists and organizations (NEA, too), you'll see tens of groups who are actually doing better with government grant funding, while not being able to get a foot in the door into Austin's new high tech wealth (not to mention the old Austin money that has ignored us from word go).

I am worried because this is beginning to look like the new paradigm here. New, because there have been phenomenal amounts of local cash pumped into the local arts scene in the last three years. Old, so very old, because it seems to be directed to the same groups who -- by their very size, nature -- gobble up tens of thousands of dollars with each breath. And if you confuse what I'm saying with "sour grapes," just go check the record. I think there is a real reason for concern. The new Austin just might be headed in a direction that looks a lot like the old Austin to some folks, but even more elitist.

The back-handed compliment from me that comes with all of this might surprise some folks. But I gotta tell ya, the City of Austin's Cultural Contracts system, the Arts Commission and their management of very meager TCA funds are, in some cases, providing the lifeblood for some of Austin's best public art presentations and organizations. That system is far from perfect, but in the new Austin much of what gets out there that truly represents the best of Austin arts is funded by the City of Austin. Join me in thanking them for helping to keep that spirit alive.

Now, if you wanna do more than just thank the City for how it uses out-of-towners' hotel taxes, help some of these folks keep doing what they do best. Go to their shows, write them checks, tell your employer to sponsor them. My list includes Tina Marsh and CO2, Epistrophy Arts, Carl Settles' Revolution of the Bluez Project, The Austin Jazz Workshop, the Austin Traditional Jazz Society, Rashah Amen's Cosmic Intuition Productions (he brought the Sun Ra Arkestra to town last month!), Austin Jazz Workshop, Dance Umbrella, La Pena, Boyd Vance and Pro Arts Collective, DanceFest, Andrea Ariel, Sally Jacques, Women and Their Work, CineMaker's Coop, Women In Jazz, Mexic Arte, Mexican American Cultural Center, Austin International Poetry Festival, Johnson-Long Dance, Salvage Vanguard, Rude Mechanics, KAZI and KOOP-FM, and of course, all of DiverseArts' projects.

Be safe, be healthy, and good luck for Y2K!